ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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