I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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