shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
