Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
