It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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