Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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