marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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