hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
