there's paper in my vomit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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