She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
