I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
