So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
