i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
