Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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