i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
