Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
