And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
