Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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