I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize