Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
