she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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