i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
