Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
