Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I got her a Nickelback box set.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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