i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
