Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
