babies were throwing up all over the place
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
