he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
