And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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