it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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