i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
