After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
