he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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