Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
