omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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