The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
