If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
