You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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