You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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