The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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