god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
