smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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