I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
