everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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