Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
