I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
