I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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