Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
