you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
