So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize