that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
