God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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