There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
