Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
