I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
