She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
