I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
