she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
