dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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