he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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