I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't deserve a penis
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
