Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
