It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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