maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
