I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
